Is amazing how I am in tune with my guts feeling. I was tossing around in bed listening to ipod last night, trying to sleep, and I had this feeling that my hamster is dead. Waking up this morning to find him really dead.
I am prepared for his death but it still hurt to see him gone. When his every moved, how he'd climb the gate whenever he wanted attention. How he'd poked his nose out when he wanted food. Everything of him is still vividly in my mind. I cried and punched the door with my fist. I just feel so alone all of a sudden without him around.
Yes, I do cry more when my hamster/s died, I don't cry when human died except for Khairul's death. I am tired of crying, tired of losing everything, everyone that matters to me. I don't want to lose anymore but who am I to kid when I will eventually lose everything and everyone that matters one point or another. Is part of life I suppose.
Mr French surprised me again when I texted him this morning. Maybe thats what I like about him so much, he gives me the unexpected. I just want to be with him.